William and Catherine got married, but Catherine's sister Pippa stole the show. More specifically, Pippa's a*s stole the show at the Royal Wedding and "singlehandedly crashed Twitter." In school she was called "perfect Pip" and "the life and soul of the party."
Apparently they knew as children that they'd be royalty someday, says Team Conjecture. During her college years, Pippa began hanging out with wealthy classmates at Hogwarts, otherwise known as Slytherin. When Kate and Wills started dating, Pippa was the only one who knew - and she kept it a secret. At least according to the bleach-blond Middleton cousin who is clearly all, "I blew Harry too and I never got my own bloomin' TLC show. Chips!"
We continue to establish that Pippa is pretty and fun, and defend her for "not having a proper job," to which one Professional Conjecture Assistant remands: "What is a proper job, really?" Touche, sir. I have no idea, but I think it has to do with misery.
"We don't really know what she sounds like, or what she says, [but we're obsessed with her anyway]," says another woman, and everyone realizes that Britain is just as silly and socialite-crazy as we are. Derrrp. And here's the wedding.
ASS. ASS. ASS. Or, as Ologist Benny Gammerman says, "ASHEHAZ." We get about 17 slow-mo shots of the now-iconic dress and more reaction shots from across the world. After the wedding, Pippa was an insta-star, and one of her most infamous offers was from American porn entrepreneur Steven Hirsch, with a trickledown offer to brother James. She has a Facebook group about her ass called "The Pippa Middleton Appreciation Society."
It's official: The remaining twenty minutes of this program is about Pippa Middleton's ass and how to get one. Why am I surprised? Every man wants her and every woman wants to be her, from her ass all the way to her ass. Then we talk about her hair. It's brown and straight. This is somewhat difficult to achieve unless your hair is brown and straight.
In the 9th hour, we get a middle-aged flaming Middleton cousin who spills that Pippa's been doing cross-training and weight work. It's still bizarre that nobody has clips of her speaking. That is some Harry Potter curse sh*t. Apparently she has been given a nickname, which is P. Biddy, but I've never heard that before. People speculate about Pippa and Harry, but there's no conclusive evidence. Bam.
Apparently they knew as children that they'd be royalty someday, says Team Conjecture. During her college years, Pippa began hanging out with wealthy classmates at Hogwarts, otherwise known as Slytherin. When Kate and Wills started dating, Pippa was the only one who knew - and she kept it a secret. At least according to the bleach-blond Middleton cousin who is clearly all, "I blew Harry too and I never got my own bloomin' TLC show. Chips!"
We continue to establish that Pippa is pretty and fun, and defend her for "not having a proper job," to which one Professional Conjecture Assistant remands: "What is a proper job, really?" Touche, sir. I have no idea, but I think it has to do with misery.
"We don't really know what she sounds like, or what she says, [but we're obsessed with her anyway]," says another woman, and everyone realizes that Britain is just as silly and socialite-crazy as we are. Derrrp. And here's the wedding.
ASS. ASS. ASS. Or, as Ologist Benny Gammerman says, "ASHEHAZ." We get about 17 slow-mo shots of the now-iconic dress and more reaction shots from across the world. After the wedding, Pippa was an insta-star, and one of her most infamous offers was from American porn entrepreneur Steven Hirsch, with a trickledown offer to brother James. She has a Facebook group about her ass called "The Pippa Middleton Appreciation Society."
It's official: The remaining twenty minutes of this program is about Pippa Middleton's ass and how to get one. Why am I surprised? Every man wants her and every woman wants to be her, from her ass all the way to her ass. Then we talk about her hair. It's brown and straight. This is somewhat difficult to achieve unless your hair is brown and straight.
In the 9th hour, we get a middle-aged flaming Middleton cousin who spills that Pippa's been doing cross-training and weight work. It's still bizarre that nobody has clips of her speaking. That is some Harry Potter curse sh*t. Apparently she has been given a nickname, which is P. Biddy, but I've never heard that before. People speculate about Pippa and Harry, but there's no conclusive evidence. Bam.
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